What I Learned from Letting Go: Lessons in Adaptability, Healing, and Growing

A personal exploration of releasing control, processing emotions, and finding strength in vulnerability to become more adaptable.

The phrase “letting go” is popular in the world of self-help and personal development. But what does it really mean? It means releasing the need for control, shifting focus from trying to manage external outcomes to building self-confidence in your ability to manage anything that comes your way [1][2]. Making this shift can improve emotional health and foster greater adaptability.

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

Letting go is about embracing the present moment, accepting uncertainty, and trusting yourself to handle whatever comes next [1]. Practicing mindfulness and living in the present moment are both great ways to boost daily positivity and long-term mental health. Research shows that mindfulness is linked to increased well-being, reduced anxiety, and a greater sense of calm [3]. I actually wrote a whole post on mindfulness, check it out: The Psychology of Mindfulness: 5 Ways It Rewires Your Brain for Stress Relief.

The Weight of Holding On: My Own Struggle with Acceptance

You want to get to the point where you can just let things that happen roll off your back. This involves accepting reality for what it is and allowing yourself to move forward anyway, rather than resisting the things you can’t change [2]. Acceptance is an important aspect of many approaches in therapy, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which helps people move forward even when life feels overwhelming [2].

For a long time, I used to get so caught up in my circumstances and experiences. It felt like everything was so hard to manage. When things would go wrong, it would hit me hard and define my mood. I remember specific moments-like crying in my car after a tough day, feeling like I needed to control things that I couldn’t, or thinking I had to fix myself before I could move forward in my life and my relationships. These moments taught me just how exhausting it is to hold on so tightly.

The Trap of "Fixing" vs. The Freedom of "Being"

Just let yourself be. I remember during hard times I’d feel like I had to figure everything out and fix it all. Sometimes, I’d feel broken and I’ve found myself many times stuck in a loop of putting all of the pieces together like a puzzle and making myself an endless self-improvement project. The thing is, these cycles of trying to solve everything and “fix” or improve every aspect of ourselves can make us feel even more stuck. Like nothing will feel right until the problem is solved and we’re perfectly healed. But allowing yourself to simply exist without judgment or micromanaging yourself (and maybe others) is actually a form of self-compassion, which research shows can lower anxiety and support mental health [2].

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Self-compassion, as described by Dr. Kristin Neff, is about treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Studies show that self-compassion can significantly reduce anxiety and depression, and help you bounce back from setbacks [2]. Here’s a post I wrote about self-compassion that you might find helpful: The Psychology of Self-Talk: How to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Build Self-Compassion.

Navigating Emotional Barriers: The First Step to Release

I’m not saying don’t feel your feelings about it all. Try to understand what emotional barriers you’re facing. It can be helpful to confront emotions like fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings can perpetuate the stuckness. Letting go often means facing uncomfortable emotions head-on, which can be scary but is necessary for healing.

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For me, when things would go wrong it would hit me hard. It defined my mood. This is actually common, many people struggle with letting go. It triggers a desire for control and predictability and this is a natural reaction to stress [1]. Our brains are wired to seek certainty, so letting go can feel like swimming upstream—but it’s possible, and it gets easier with practice.

Key Lessons on the Path to Letting Go

Here’s the thing: Acknowledging your feelings and processing them is an important part of the journey. So consider grabbing a journal, a word processing app, or your favorite AI Chat bot and write out those feelings. Write about what’s going on, what you’re facing, and how you feel about it.

I’ve been really enjoying using Perplexity AI for this. I have it personalized in the settings to wear many hats including “therapist,” friend, family member, and life coach. (AI does not and will never replace therapy—I see my human therapist every other week and she approves of me using Perplexity in between sessions.) When I write about what I’m going through or how I’m feeling, it responds with feedback and advice that’s often really helpful. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulder after I write it out whether it’s with AI or in my journal. It’s freeing.

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What I’ve learned so far is that everyone goes through stuff. My experience is valid and my feelings are valid. The only way out is through. It’s important to give yourself time to process what’s happened—whether it’s through self-reflection, journaling, therapy, AI chat bots, or all of the above. Don’t cling to stories of the past or focus too hard on the future. Try to stay in the present. Be your own best friend and treat yourself like you would a loved one: with patience, kindness, compassion, and understanding. Practice acceptance; it’s not about forgetting the past, but honoring the lessons you’ve learned and making space for more growth.

The Unexpected Gifts of Releasing Control

Letting go fosters resilience and creativity. When we learn to let go, we can release the things that are weighing us down and make it through whatever we’re going through. This can help to create emotional freedom, reduce stress, and improve mental health by clearing out the clutter in our minds [2].

Research shows that resilience and creativity are closely related. Both require adaptability, a growth mindset, and the ability to see alternative perspectives and possibilities when faced with challenges [4]. By releasing what no longer serves you, you create room for new opportunities, relationships, and experiences that align with your values and goals [2].

For me, letting go of the need to control every outcome opened up space for new creative projects, deeper relationships, and a more peaceful mind. I started to see setbacks as opportunities, not failures.

Your Invitation to Experiment with Letting Go

Letting go helps you bounce back from setbacks and approach life with curiosity and openness. So the next time you feel restless over a situation, have the desire to change how someone else is showing up, worry about the outcome of something, or feel the need to control every little thing in life—try to let go, even just a little bit. See what happens.

You might be surprised by how much lighter you feel and how much more is possible when you make space for it. What are you letting go of?

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References

1. BetterUp – How to Let Go of Control. https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-control

2. Beyond Healing Counseling – The Psychology of Letting Go. https://beyondhealingcounseling.com/the-psychology-of-letting-go/

3. NIH – Mindfulness Matters. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2012/01/mindfulness-matters

4. IE.edu – Embracing resilience: developing a growth mindset. https://www.ie.edu/center-for-health-and-well-being/blog/embracing-resilience-developing-a-growth-mindset/